Trust

A few weeks ago I lead the Fear to Faith Process for some teenaged girls. One of the great things about this process is that everyone can be working on their own issue and no one else needs to know the issue being worked on --- not even the facilitator. The participants may choose to share their issue, but there is no expectation that they do so.

As I was guiding the young women through the process I decided I would take the opportunity to apply it to myself. The issue I chose to address was the anxiety I was feeling about the upcoming listing of my business in the Crazy Wisdom Community Journal. I took notes as we went along and when the process was complete the word “Trust” was my keyword.

I confess that I put my piece of paper who-knows-where and essentially forgot all about it. Until yesterday when I was doing another technique that took me to the concept of Trust around a different issue. Of course, not remembering the earlier Fear to Faith process, I thought this was new! Immediately afterward I found the paper with my notes and I was surprised to see Trust as my keyword.

It seems that whenever I am developing myself in a given area, I get the same message or reminder or lesson from many different places. No matter how many times I have experienced this, I am still amazed.

Affirmation

When Barnaby and I moved to FryFarm in February, there was a painting of a sleeping child hanging in our bedroom. It is a beautiful image and reminds me of summers in Northern Michigan. The fact that I like the painting made it harder for me to accept that it seemed out of place in our bedroom.

During this time there was also a painting resting on the steep steps of the stairs that lead to our bedroom. Because of its position, I hardly ever noticed the painting even though I walked by it several times each day. Months went by. Barnaby and I made our vision board which contains many images of flowing water. And still I failed to notice the waterfall painting on the staircase.

One day we were inspired to clear the stairwell. I picked up the waterfall painting and walked it up the stairs. I took the sleeping child and moved it to the guest room where it seemed to belong. In its place I hanged the waterfall painting. Everything clicked. It was perfect.

Now each morning I awake to the picture of a waterfall --- powerful and flowing. I am reminded that everything around us is an affirmation of something and we are at choice as to what we affirm. So I am more careful about the things that surround me. Right now this waterfall is the perfect affirmation for me. I am grateful for the painting and the space to place it.

Waitress Mediation

The other day I was driving to Charlevoix to meet with my business advisor. As I drove into town, I turned my head toward the water looking for the Parkside Restaurant, which I knew was no longer standing. If you want to know what it looked like see Parkside Restaurant by Sue Bolt.

I felt a strange sense as I recalled the years of working there, first as a salad girl, then a hostess and finally a waitress.

During my time at the Parkside I mediated many disputes. The most common conflict was between the teenagers sitting at the table with music blaring through their headphones and the parents who wanted them to participate in the family dining experience.

Somehow, I understood both sides and I naturally asserted myself into these conflicts. Perhaps my most daring act involved a quiet fight between two sisters. One of the sisters left the table, went outside and sat on a bench crying. When the time was right I sat down and talked with her. Then I returned to the dining table and spoke with the other sister. The details are hazy now, but eventually I brought the sisters together and they met with hugs and tears.

Even as a little girl I found myself acting as an intermediary, especially in the times when my parents were married but lived separately. Now, as I “begin” my career practicing heart-based conflict resolution, I realize that I have been doing this my whole life. In my childhood, in those moments when no one was looking, I was doing something I had never even heard of.

The beauty of children is that they can be at their very best when they are simply being themselves. I reclaim this gift now and am grateful for the opportunities I have to truly be myself.

Summer of Self Care

Photo by Brent Sherman

This week we have 15 family members staying in the summer cottage. Given the demands of a wedding and rehearsal dinner which are both taking place at our house, and the number of people under one roof, it is especially important that we take care of ourselves.

Self Care is a hot topic right now. When I was in Chicago for the Celebrate Your Life Conference I watched people swarm around Cheryl Richardson to talk about her new book “The Art of Extreme Self Care.” At the time I didn’t see the attraction to her work, especially since Barnaby and I are not caretakers to children or anyone else and because we have been focused on Self Care for the past several months. However, now that I am around the busyness of my family I am reminded how important Self Care is. For me, Self Care means going for a walk, stretching, meditating and talking with my prayer partners. It also means drinking more water and less alcohol, which, in this social environment, takes a conscious effort.

I have decided that Summer of ’09 at the Gerrity Cottage is the Summer of Self Care. I am giving out “gold stars” when we demonstrate a self loving act, such as my mom lying down for a rest, my niece doing her journal, my brothers going to play golf, etc. And even though I want Barnaby to be hanging out with me on the deck talking ‘til all hours of the night with the folks on “The Ridge” (as we call our little neighborhood on the lake), I am happy to see him go to bed early when he needs to.

Self Care requires listening to what I need and acting upon it. Sometimes it can be a challenge to carve out the time and space to listen, but I am always happier when I do and I am grateful for the support I receive in taking care of myself.

Navy Seal Wisdom

Today I called my mother’s doctor to inform her I was concerned about my mother’s health. I believed my mother was not getting the rest she needed to heal the radiation burns on her legs and every time I recommended more rest, she said that it didn’t make any difference. So I was taking my case to her doctor, but first, I had to get through the receptionist.

I explained to the receptionist that my mother would respond to a doctor’s order, such as an order for rest in the afternoon or to stay off her feet after a certain number of hours. The receptionist took the message and said she would give it to the doctor.

This call to the doctor’s office was the latest of my attempts to stop the busyness of mother’s life and create time and space for her to rest and heal. I was feeling frustrated and overwhelmed by my mom’s unwillingness to go along with my plan.

I decided to stop by the yacht club to see Barnaby. Instead I found Chuck Pfarrer sitting at a table with his portable office. He was exactly the person I needed to see.

As a cancer survivor, surely he knew the correlation between rest and healing. I thought I would enlist him in my efforts to get my mother to rest more. But the conversation took many turns as he artfully and skillfully and humorously took me down a road toward realization and compassion.

First it was established that my mother is now able to sleep at night with the help of her new medications. This, he said, was crucial. Then he questioned whether her condition was getting worse. Well, no, not exactly, I admitted.

Next he had me consider my mother’s baseline. As an example he asked how many times my mother had taken a nap in her lifetime. Hmmm. Good point. I recall my mother taking a nap in the 70’s when she had 4 young children and was going to school full-time to get a college degree. I conceded she rarely took a nap. That is her baseline he said.

Ok, I get it. My request is unrealistic given her baseline. An unenforceable rule as Dr. Luskin would call it, and it was only causing me grief.

I started crying and Chuck sat across from me, behind an opened steel brief-case. He said, I am holding your hand here. Without actually reaching over the table and taking my hand, I knew he was. Chuck, a big, strong Navy Seal, who had lived through countless military operations and medical procedures, was lovingly walking and laughing me through the grief.

Then he had me consider that everyone deals with recovery in their own way and that for some, like himself, the best way is to stay busy and active and not sit on the couch.

I wanted my mom to read about the law of circulation so that she would slow down and allow herself to receive, but Chuck was telling me about how some people just feel better when they are giving and doing. And, he said, this is her comfort zone.

In the end I knew he was right, my mother was doing the best she could and I was the one who needed to relax! Thanks to Chuck, I left the yacht club without my unenforceable rule. I am so glad I followed my instinct to stop by. I thought I was going to see Barnaby and get help for my mom. Instead I found a Wise Warrior Soul and got help for myself.

Birdsong

While I was at the Celebrate Your Life Conference on Sunday, I used my lunch-break to take a walk. As I approached the main intersection I felt something was amiss and I heard a strange sound buzzing in the air. I looked around to see what was making the noise.

When I reached the corner I stopped and listened. It sounded like an electrical buzz and at first I thought it was the traffic signal. Eventually I discovered the sound was coming from the birds.

I continued to listen. It seemed as though the birds were singing the song of the traffic signal --- working together and amplifying it.

I was shocked. I know birds are mimickers (recent house-sitting experience reminded me that birds sing the song of car alarms and other electrical devices) but somehow this seemed over the top.

At first I felt a bit sorry for the birds and then I realized we are not much different --- picking up the sounds around us and amplifying them. As I walked away from the intersection, I reminded myself of the importance of finding and singing our natural song.

This morning I am happy to wake at the FryFarm. Out here on the county line, we have no internet or cell reception. Very little electrical interference. I enjoy the sounds of the birds and I can be still and hear my own song.

I am grateful for Rickie Byars Beckwith who reminds me there are songs inside each one of us.

Celebrate!

I recently returned from the Celebrate Your Life conference. This was my first time attending the conference. In February, when I received the brochure in the mail, my immediate reaction was to throw it away. We had just arrived in Michigan and as far as I knew, no one had our address. “Celebrate Your Life?” I had never heard of it before and have no idea how I got on the mailing list. Frankly I was a little bothered since I have spent the last several years eradicating unwanted mail.

But somehow I resisted the urge to discard the brochure. I opened it and began reading about some of the authors who would be presenting. Michael Beckwith. He is one of my favorites. Debbie Ford, I love her work. Hmmmm. I didn’t know the other authors and the price seemed prohibitive, but something told me to hang onto the brochure. So I put it back in the mail bag and there it sat.

A couple of months passed, and eventually I picked up the bag and went through the papers. I found the brochure and this time I had a feeling it would be important for me be there. I thought about it for a while and then picked up the phone and made the financial commitment.

This conference was an amazing experience --- one that has catapulted me into greater awareness and celebration of myself and all of life. I had so many wonderful realizations, revelations and insights. I am so grateful to have received this brochure. I now believe it was one of those divine gifts and I am glad that I listened and allowed myself to accept it.